Why Finding Purpose In Grief Is Key

You’ve lost someone significant in your life, your whole world has been turned upside down, and a question you may have is, “will I ever be happy again?”

In my grief experience, I certainly asked that question many times in the beginning. When you are in deep grief, it certainly doesn’t feel like you’re going to feel any bits of happiness again. You’re flooded with hard emotions that consume you. They leave little to no room to feel anything else. Then if you so happen to get a fleeting small burst of happiness, que the guilt or immediate tears for not being able to share that happiness with your loved one.

I remember standing in my kitchen one morning, about a month after Jason died, looking out the window and having this knowing that one day I would find purpose in all this. That I couldn’t let the destroy or define me. That inkling was telling me that I would somehow help others in grief, I just had no idea how or where to even begin. But the inkling that I had that morning gave me some hope. Which was like a lifeline for me in those early days. When I was going down the rabbit hole, I would pause and remind myself of that hope and it would push me forward. It was the driving force to get out of bed in the morning, to seek out different healing modalities which started with counselling every single week, (because were not meant to go through this alone). I started reading books to help me get answers on life, which turned into books to help me understand my grief and how to heal from the pain that I was feeling every single day. Which made me dive into my journey of self-discovery and loving and getting to know my true authentic self. I found friends and family that were on the same journey that we could share our experiences with, took classes together, which lead me to finding my mentor that has continued to help pick me up every time I forget. I went to reiki and took a healing touch level 1 course. With every little thing I did, it gave me a sense of purpose again, that I did have so much to experience and learn. These were all important steppingstones in my journey.

It's not the easy choice, but finding purpose means you must put in the hard work. Its not the choice we instinctually want to make for ourselves, so trust me when I say it took so much grace and patience with myself.

So why couldn’t happiness be the driving force behind my healing? Because happiness is an emotion, just like anger or sadness. And happiness isn’t a destination we can achieve. Its’ just like all the other emotions that going to constantly come and go. No emotion is ever permanent, so how can I expect myself to achieve happiness if its going to come and go like passing clouds in the sky, leaving me feel like a failure for not being able to continually stay happy? Happiness wasn’t going to get me up in the morning, but the hope of purpose was.

It's important for me to say that your purpose can and will change as you heal and discover more about yourself. It can also be more than one thing.

For example;

In the beginning it was the little things, my purpose for those early days was continuing to be a mom for those two little boys I had to still raise. They pushed me out of bed every single morning and kept me pushing forward. While being their mom will always be a part of my purpose, as I healed, I started seeking more purpose. Which lead me to finding and enrolling in a grief coaching program. Then starting my own grief coaching business which fulfills me everyday. To me it defines my true essence of how I can make something meaningful from Jason’s death. Helping those who walk a few steps behind me on their grief journey and educating society on how to do better when it comes to grief. Even in doing this, I’m always learning and growing which is starting to open more avenues for me.

So, if you’re struggling in grief right now, thinking you will never be happy again. Try thinking about your purpose instead. Start small and find your purpose to get out of bed and put one foot forward in front of the other. Within that you will have moments of happiness, but finding purpose within your grief is far more meaningful that chasing happiness.

Much Love,
Julie